i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
