apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
