wake up i wanna do it froggy style
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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