How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
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