I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
