I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
