his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
