to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
