I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
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