I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
