Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
