i can't believe i had my finger in that
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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