I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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