kristin has been a bad kristin
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
