oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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