Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
