we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
