You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
