Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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