im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i think i have two assholes
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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