please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
you will always have a special place in my vag
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
