could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i drank out of a bidet.
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He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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