Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
did i just pee glitter
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
