I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
She told me I should be a condom model.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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