She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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