Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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