I got chris browned last night
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
