What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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