Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
