No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
