Why are handjobs necessary in class?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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