ADVERTISEMENT

• (416): View more from Ontario

  She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.

  Fav 7 886 2049

  share tweet
  

• (708): View more from Illinois

  We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.

  Fav 22 5206 899

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (604): View more from British Columbia

  My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.

  Fav 13 1849 4157

  share tweet
  

• (240): View more from Maryland

  He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.

  Fav 53 2430 14342

  share tweet
  

• (914): View more from New York

  i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.

  Fav 5 1014 2835

  share tweet
  

• (740): View more from Ohio

  he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.

  Fav 18 2668 2244

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (856): View more from New Jersey

  I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?

  Fav 11 1628 844

  share tweet
  

• (520): View more from Arizona

  Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.

  Fav 5 608 852

  share tweet
  

• (310): View more from California

  My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.

  (1-310): View more from California

  That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.

  Fav 14 2563 845

  share tweet
  

• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.

  Fav 3 527 1046

  share tweet
  

• (574): View more from Indiana

  I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.

  (1-574): View more from Indiana

  How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!

  Fav 0 231 351

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.

  Fav 0 128 88

  share tweet
  

• (732): View more from New Jersey

  Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.

  (1-732): View more from New Jersey

  I know but these gold fish are so much better

  Fav 0 60 11

  share tweet
  

• (608): View more from Wisconsin

  You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party

  Fav 0 34 5

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (203): View more from Connecticut

  Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin

  Fav 0 29 38

  share tweet
  

Randomize