Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
