Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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