We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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