im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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