Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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