my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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