Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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