Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
