Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
