dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
