Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
