I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
