i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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