fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
