so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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