I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
