We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
