he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
time to smoke my breakfast
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
