HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
