do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
