Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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