Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
