She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
