oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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