WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
