I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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