No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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