considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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