He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
