Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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