haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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