just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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