he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
