Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
