the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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