honey bunches of taint.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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