oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
