Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
