chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
