There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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