for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
