I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
i think i just lost a toe
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
