At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
