His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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